Abi and I both stayed at the hospital last night. Yesterday during rounds, the doctors and nurses told us that David was eating well enough for us to go home today or tomorrow. We were obviously excited and relieved that we would be able to have our family together as a whole, in the comfort of our own home. We decided to stay with David through the night to make sure that he continued to eat the required amount.
Well… we are not going home today. Immediately after we were told we might go home, David’s eating began to decrease. Little by little his eating has gone from 60-65 cc’s to our previous feeding at 13 cc’s. The nurse has put his feeding tube back in, and we are tired and disappointed. Our hope has been postponed, and our hearts are grieved.
I have thought a lot about the time in John chapter 9, that the disciples asked Jesus why a certain man was born blind. Jesus’ answer: God was using the man’s blindness to manifest His works and glorify Himself. While a lot could be said about Jesus’ answer, the underlying assumption that has spoken to me again and again is this: God is the main character in this story.
It is easy for me to process all of this as if I, Abi, Lily, or even David is the main character in our story right now. However, we are just part of God’s greater story of redemption. God is using our lives as well as yours, to manifest Himself to the world in some way. I must remind myself, this is not about me, it is about God receiving the honor and glory that is rightfully His. If that means that we must stay here a while longer, then it also means that God will continue to supply our every need. Life isn’t all about me. If I let my feelings and desires dictate what ought to be, I will live a miserable existence. However, If I can strive to honor God in the wilderness of life, it will be a life well lived.