Let me begin this post by telling you it may be a jumbled mess. During the past two weeks I have had so much on my heart and mind. I guess the “so much on my heart and mind” has been the upcoming heart surgery. The past two weeks I felt as if the dread of the unknown was all consuming. I struggled! I cried – ALOT! I whispered constant prayers where I asked God to deliver me from the grasp Satan had on my mind. I begged for strength and grace and mercy. On days where I felt like I might fall apart He “renewed my strength.” He renewed my strength by hearing my three year old, Lily, sing, “Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint. Teach me Lord, teach me Lord to wait.” Lily loves this scripture song. She sings it again and again with gusto and zeal. As difficult as it is – I have to wait on the Lord. I can’t run ahead to David’s heart surgery – we are not there yet, so the grace for that day isn’t there either. I have to walk day by day, living in the moment, because this is where my grace is found. He has proven Himself faithful in the last 10 weeks of David’s life, and I know He will be faithful in the weeks to come.
Shortly after David was born I began researching various aspects of Down Syndrome. I came across this statistic several times – 92% of women who undergo genetic testing before birth abort their babies if Down Syndrome is suspected. I was shocked by this number. Because I look I David, and he is just my sweet little boy. Perfect. Cute. Big Cheeks. Pretty red lips. Long toes. Red Mow-auk (that has been trimmed twice). Fat rolls on legs and wrist. Smiles and coos. Yawns and stretches. Except for God’s mercy I am no different than the women who chose to end their pregnancies. I have thought about the 92% alot since David’s birth, and I wonder why. Was it the fear of the unknown? The realization that their child would look different, act different? Wouldn’t be “perfect” or fulfill their dreams? The hopes and dreams we have for our children are exactly that – OUR hopes and dreams. They aren’t David’s. I want to and think I am learning to see beauty with new eyes. At the out-patient surgery clinic, I saw a little girl with club feet, another child strapped in a wheel-chair who could do little except become excited over her daddy’s whispers and kisses. I saw oxygen tanks and ostomy bags and deformities. Before David was born I would have stared and thought, “Oh, that poor mama and daddy.” Now, I look at children who don’t fit into a mold, and I know the potential for all the blessings these children can pour into our lives. I know God has given us blessing after blessing through our Sunshine. I hope I don’t sound preachy, because some days I still wrestle with the new path God has given me to walk. At the end of the day, in all honesty, I can tell you that God brings me to the realization that this is the best path for me to walk.
I am thankful that God has chosen to reveal Himself to me – that I am among the 8% who will enjoy the miracle of David’s life.
A quick update on David – he is weighing in at 10 pounds, 8 ounces. He continues to eat like a champ. I smile when I warm up his “big boy” bottles. We saw cardiology and received a good report. He looked and sounded well enough that Dr. Lee did not do an ECHO this visit. Our next appointment is in August. We will move towards finalizing surgery plans during this visit. We had a follow-up with Dr. Feliz, and David continues to receive good reports.
Please keep us in your prayers,